HOLLYWOOD, CA—A report coming out of Hollywood this afternoon revealed that a 4-hour-long political lecture scheduled for Sunday will be disguised as an awards show in order to drum up interest.
"See, if we just asked people to tune in for four hours of virtue-signaling and political posturing, we'd have zero viewers," said one of the show's organizers. "If we want to keep the three or four viewers we still have left, we have to pretend the purpose of this ceremony is to hand out awards for excellent movies released in the last year."
People going to the stage ostensibly to accept an award and say a few words about what it means to them will instead lecture the nation on how to behave and what political party they should support. These people, so-called "actors," will give presentations on subjects ranging from white privilege and wealth inequality to gender bias and immigration. They will then retire to their multi-million-dollar mansions, their good deeds having been completed for the year.
At publishing time, projections had indicated the viewership would be cut in half this year, leaving one bored guy named Clint in San Francisco as the lone person expected to watch the show this year.