Politics
Absolute Legend: Trump Walks Away From Republican Party Without Even Looking Back At Explosion

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an awesome display of action movie MAGA-greatness, Trump walked away from the exploding Republican Party like an absolute legend, without looking back or even flinching. Witnesses say they saw Trump power-walking in slow motion away from the massive explosion as smoldering wreckage and shrieking Republicans rained down around him.

"I've never seen anything so beautiful," said Steve Bannon and Nancy Pelosi in unison.

Trump supporters and Democrats collectively cheered while the steely-eyed Trump strutted confidently without any indication that he cared about the scorching inferno behind him as it laid waste to all the "losers and second-rate cowards" caught up in the blast. Mitch McConnell tried his best to escape, but he was too slow due to being a turtle. The force of the blast tipped him over on his back and he lay there with his arms flailing helplessly.

Authorities arrived on the scene to try to extinguish the flames but Trump stayed their hands. "No," he said, slowly removing his glasses and finally turning around to gaze upon the torched ruins of the Republican Party. "No... let it burn."

Libertarian Party officials raised their hands and offered to take in anyone orphaned by the blast, but everyone threw spitballs at them and then stuffed them in a locker.

There are 118 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.