KABUL—American soldiers, civilians, and contractors still stranded in Afghanistan said Thursday that while they're a little upset that they're 100% at the mercy of the Taliban, they are at least happy that the president doesn't tweet mean things anymore.
The thousands of Americans still stranded said they are taking consolation in the fact that we got rid of the guy who posted "covfefe" and called people "losers" and "haters" on Twitter.
"I'm just glad we have a real leader in the White House now, who doesn't say mean things on Twitter," said one man sheltering in a house in hopes that the Taliban doesn't murder him. "It was really embarrassing for me living here abroad whenever Trump would make a typo on Twitter. But now, our president doesn't post anything mean on Twitter. Or anything, really, since he probably doesn't know what Twitter is. In fact, he doesn't say anything because he barely ever gives press conferences and just turns his back on the press whenever they ask a question. So he doesn't say anything mean."
"Finally -- America is back, baby!"
At publishing time, Americans currently under attack by terrorists in Kabul said they are just glad that our military leaders are focusing on critical race theory and gender equality as well.