BERKELEY, CA—College student and “Antifa” activist Richard Anderson, 25, was reportedly very upset Tuesday after being unable to join a local demonstration due to accidentally leaving his ski mask in his mother’s car when she drove him over to its location.
“Aw, man—I can’t believe I did that! It’s totally too late to text her to turn around, too,” a visibly dejected Anderson reportedly muttered to himself, burying his face in his hands and shaking his head. “Of all the things to forget, leave it to me to forget the one thing necessary to take part in a violent protest.”
With no way to conceal his face and several hours to burn before his mother was set to pick him up and drive him back to their house, where he lives in the basement, the unemployed liberal arts major sought out and found a small group of masked rioters who were on their way to the scene of the demonstration, and offered them the several makeshift weapons he was hoping to use during the afternoon’s event.
At publishing time, he had pulled out his smartphone and ordered a few extra ski masks with expedited shipping, using his father’s credit card, to make sure this would never happen again.
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