AUSTIN, TX—Aiden Hamilton, an Antifa rioter who looted a local Target store, gleefully took all the great stuff he stole and moved it into his parents' garage, selfishly refusing to redistribute his haul equally among oppressed people groups.
Weird but true!
"We must take all the wealth and give it to the less fortunate. Workers of the world, unite!" he shouted as he hauled an entire pallet of TVs into his parents' place. "Well, I mean, not my wealth. You know, those other fortunate people. Out there somewhere. Like, billionaires who live in penthouses and plot to kill poor people on their giant yachts. Those people are the problem with the world, not me."
Despite his constant talk about needing to rob from white people to distribute their resources among minority and oppressed groups, the man who still lives with his parents in the suburbs has yet to come up with a plan to give away his newfound fortune.
We're sure he'll get around to it sooner or later. You're the real hero, Aiden!