JERUSALEM—Archaeologists digging near the outskirts of Jerusalem have announced a shocking new discovery, having reportedly located the long-lost Holy Grail from which Jesus Himself drank during the Last Supper, finally confirming the fabled object of antiquity was, in fact, a tiny, flimsy, clear plastic cup.
Researchers onsite were able to verify its identity using both time-honored archaeological testing methods and state-of-the-art, advanced scanning technology.
"Here it is, the object for which we've searched for so long," director of the dig Dr. Frank E. Creighton told reporters as he held the clear plastic cup aloft. "It's a little disappointing, to be honest—a bit smaller than I'd pictured it."
Creighton and his team located the chamber of the cup and found a centuries-old crusader knight still sitting there waiting for them. There were hundreds of different grails on a nearby table. He told them to pick the one they thought was the true grail and drink from it.
"We knew of course that it wouldn't be made of gold or even look like the cup of a carpenter---instead, it would be a small, plastic cup like the ones they hand out at church during communion," Creighton said. Sadly, one unfortunate, excitable grad student at the dig rushed ahead and drank from a jeweled, golden goblet.
"He chose poorly," Dr. Creighton said as he swept up the student's remains.
According to scholars, the cup confirms what experts had theorized for so long, that Jesus and His Apostles had taken the first Communion together by having servants pass out tiny cups and microscopic wafers.
"I mean, sharing germs is just icky."
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