ISRAEL—In a historic find, archeologists working in Jesus' hometown of Nazareth have unearthed the essential oil diffuser Mary used to diffuse frankincense and myrrh throughout her modest home.
"We have been after this priceless relic for hundreds of years," said archaeologist Azir Haddad-Dan, leader of the Nazareth excavation project. "We know that the Magi gave a lifetime supply of the costly oils to Jesus and his mother. Now we know what Mary used to make her home smell nice after Joseph and Jesus came in all sweaty and stinky from the workshop."
Some sources believe that this may have been the beginning of the world's first multi-level marketing business, with Mary recruiting all her local friends to sell the oil in order to make ends meet.
"We are thrilled to introduce this artifact to the world as yet another example of evidence of the historical Jesus," said Haddad-Dan.
Atheists scoffed at the find, claiming it as evidence against the divinity of Jesus. "We now have a rational explanation for Jesus's special powers and immortality," said one. "My starter kit clearly says that kids may develop magical powers from breathing essential oils."
At the time of publication, the Vatican had taken possession of the relic and displayed it at St. Peter's Basilica. Catholics will have the option of paying $500 to kiss it.