ATLANTA, GA—According to a report, as part of the settlement with Nick Sandmann, CNN hosts will be required to wear MAGA hats throughout every broadcast.
"Let the punishment fit the crime," counsel for Sandmann said as Don Lemon, Chris Cuomo, Anderson Cooper, and Wolf Blitzer all solemnly donned Make America Great Again caps.
Hosts were seen with downcast expressions as they commented on the day's events, MAGA hats in place.
Sandmann says the hosts will be forced to wear the hats until they've learned their lesson, which could take a while. "Just be careful you don't make an expression some could construe as 'smug.' Wouldn't want you to get punched or your lives to get ruined, or anything like that."
CNN hosts must also finish every broadcast by saying, "Good night, and I am a big, fat dummy, while Trump is the best president we've ever had."
Brian Stelter requested an exemption and was allowed to wear a clown nose instead, as usual.