MELBOURNE—As Australia continues to brutally enforce a total lockdown on their own citizens, the increasingly desperate population has reached out to the Taliban and begged them to come and liberate their country.
"If only those brave mujahadin fighters could ride in on their American tanks and Humvees, armed with American weapons, and liberate us all," said local woman Charlotte Menda. "I mean, they aren't perfect, but at least people can go shopping and walk their dog under Taliban rule. Anything would be better than this, right?"
According to sources in the country, Australians have been suffering under creeping totalitarian rule for years, and COVID only intensified the brutality and cruelty of the regime in the last year. In spite of this, the suffering of Australia has received little attention on the international stage.
"Australia has a proud tradition of being a prison colony," said Prime Minister Scott Morrison while eating gourmet seafood in a deserted restaurant. "I'm proud to be returning our country back to her roots."
Australians then chose a representative to fly to Kabul and ask the Taliban army to overthrow their tyrannical government and usher in an age of slightly less tyranny.
The Taliban are reportedly considering the request, and have promised a decision next month after they have finished embarrassing America.