Church
Church Backup Singer Admits She's Just Hitting The Tambourine Whenever

SEATTLE, WA—Sojourney Community Church background singer Grace dePartin admitted this past Sunday that she has no idea how to play the tambourine and just "hits it whenever."

"Yeah, just whenever it feels right, I give it a few good hits," she said. "Beats and time signatures are a social construct. You just have to go with the flow, and by flow, I mean just whatever."

Church members began to suspect she hadn't received any official tambourine training when it became clear that she saw beats, measures, and rhythm more as "guidelines" than actual rules. Coincidentally, the church feels the same way about theology.

As every worship song finishes, she gives the tambourine a joyful shake to transition things into the next little sermonette, ad-libbed prayer, or surprise, bonus bridge. "Whenever the drummer does that little whoooooooosh thing on his cymbals, I just follow his lead. Or maybe that's the Holy Spirit."

The church's cajon player was also forced to admit he's just banging on a box and has no idea what he is doing.

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