U.S.—The Southern Baptist Panel Of Dance Awareness (SBPDA) issued a grave statement Wednesday warning parents that a dangerous new gateway dance is hitting the streets and should be avoided at all costs.
The new dance move is designed to entice youngsters into trying their first rhythmic movement, in hopes that they’ll get hooked on the stuff and move on to harder, more sinful dance moves later on in life, according to the Baptist experts.
“We want parents to be aware of the dangers of this new gateway dance,” a representative for the panel told reporters. “DARE to keep your kids off the dance floor, and remember to ‘just say NO’ to dancing.”
According to the Baptists’ estimates, tens of thousands of kids have already tried the new dance and are hopelessly addicted, potentially leading to a life of dance addiction and associated crime.
“Every single day in America, 30,000 teens will try their very first dance,” the rep said. “Do you know where your kids are? Don’t risk their future. Talk to your kids about the dangers of dance addiction.”
At publishing time, the Baptists had revealed the name of the insidious new dance to be “the Macarena.”
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.