Baptist Minister Dons False Nose And Glasses For Visit To Liquor Store
Local Worldviews

CONWAY, AR—Desiring to pick up a bottle of wine to celebrate his 20th anniversary with his wife, local Baptist minister Bob Pearson reportedly donned a clever disguise consisting primarily of a false plastic nose, mustache, and glasses for his trip to a local liquor store Saturday, according to sources.

Arriving clad in a dark trench-coat under the cover of nightfall, the incognito minister was spotted asking the clerk in an excellently disguised falsetto voice if he could help him locate an appropriate bottle of wine in the $30 range—“but nothing too fancy,” he said, as he repeatedly looked over his shoulder, thinking one of the other patrons was possibly following him.

As Pearson paid for his selected wine—reportedly a $6 bottle with a Kangaroo depicted on the label—to his horror, one of his parishioners recognized him and cheerfully greeted the minister, wishing him a happy anniversary. To escape the situation, Pearson deftly pulled a smoke bomb out from a secret pocket, tossed it on the ground where it exploded in an thick cloud of gas, obscuring the pastor as he army-crawled out the back door where a black SUV was waiting.

“That was a close one,” the pastor said to his wife waiting in the getaway vehicle as they peeled out and headed for home.

When his wife asked how he planned on getting the bottle of wine from the car to the house, Pearson reportedly growled, “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, let’s worry about driving by the UMC congregation undetected.”

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