WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to multiple witnesses, a belligerent man burst into the Capitol Building Tuesday night and began ranting at a joint session of Congress, gathered to listen to the annual State of the Union address in the House of Representatives chamber.
The loud and seemingly unstable character began boasting into the microphone about how awesome he was and how great this past year has been, according to frightened Congressmen and Senators, before he was finally chased off the stage by Secret Service agents.
“Hey all you people out there, including my many enemies and those who have fought me and lost so badly they just don’t know what to do. LOVE!” the figure said, waving his arms around in the air. “All you people are just sad! Bad! Not good! Ha!”
Armed personnel chased the dangerous lunatic throughout the building, later claiming he ranted throughout the pursuit about “making America great again” and how he was “winning bigly” among other nonsensical topics. Finally, the man managed to escape out a side door, where appeared to escape in Marine One, somehow convincing the pilot he was the President of the United States and that he needed to be taken to the White House.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.