Politics
Bernie Sanders Frustrated With Having To Ask For Money Instead Of Just Taking It

U.S.—The campaign trail is reportedly taking a toll on Bernie Sanders. The main thing that seems to be wearing him out is the extremely foreign concept of having to convince people to voluntarily hand over money.

“This just feels so wrong,” Sanders told staffers. “If you know you really have a good idea how to spend that money, you just take that money from people under threat of imprisonment. Having to convince people to voluntarily hand over money just feels too much like capitalism.”

Initially, to get people to give him money, Sanders would just grab people by the collar and shake them, yelling, “Give me your money!” When this didn’t work, Sanders had to change his tactics to a kinder, more sensitive approach, asking for donations. “The incentive of money made me change my behavior from what I wanted to do to what other people want,” Sanders said. “I feel so dirty!”

Reportedly, to calm down after a long day of having to convince people to voluntarily do things, Sanders likes to relax by playing with some stuffed animals he can control and make all the plans for.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee

After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.

Get FREE Access

*with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.