U.S.—The Bernie Sanders campaign confirmed Monday it is trying to reach younger Americans with an aggressive telegraph campaign.
Sanders announced he will personally send telegrams to young potential voters, saying "that's what all the youths are doing these days."
The Babylon Bee obtained a copy of one of the first telegrams sent by the Sanders campaign:
"YOUNG AMERICAN, YOU SHOULD VOTE FOR ME. STOP.
COME TO VOTING BOOTH. STOP.
MUST STOP INFAMOUS TRUMP. STOP.
YOUR COOL CAT CANDIDATE, BERNIE. STOP."
According to the Sanders campaign, if the ploy fails, they may consider getting Bernie a pager.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.