NORTH HERO, VT—After another long few weeks out on the campaign trail, presidential candidate Bernie Sanders finally got a few minutes to take a break at one of his three homes.
This particular home, his quaint, $600,000 lakeside mansion, has one of Sanders' favorite rooms in all of his homes: a "Hall of Dictators," where he hangs portraits of his favorite totalitarian despots.
"Hello there, fellas," Sanders said as he closed the door behind him. "I hope I'm doin' you proud, guys."
Sanders walked up to one portrait and began to caress the face of Fidel Castro. "Fidel, I'm sorry they've been saying mean things about you," Sanders whispered, tears welling up in his elderly eyes. "Don't you listen to them. No, siree. One day, I'll be vindicated, once I'm in power and we flush your human rights abuses down the memory hole."
"Joe," he said, smiling as he moved on to the next portrait. "Joe, Joe, Joe. You wouldn't believe how much flak I've taken for praising your regime. But they'll see. They'll all see, or it's the gulag for them."
The ancient socialist then meandered over to one of his favorite portraits, that of Chairman Mao. "Mao! How are you, my good friend?" Sanders went on at length about how great the dictator was and how much he did to end extreme poverty in his nation.
Having been refreshed from his time in the Hall of Dictators, Sanders moved into the next chamber, which is just a big vault filled with cash that he dives into from time to time.