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Politics U.S.
Beto Cites Nazi Firing Squads As Grounds For Private Gun Ban

KENT, OH—While speaking at Kent State University, Beto O'Rourke---who is allegedly running for president---cited Nazi firing squads as grounds for taking guns away from private citizens.

"These Nazis used guns to shoot their victims, so it's clear that we need to ban private citizens from owning guns," Beto said in a speech. "Only Nazi sympathizers see the need for private gun ownership."

O'Rourke pointed out that Nazis used guns, just like citizens who have guns for self-defense or hunting. In an impassioned speech, he hammered home all the similarities between guns American citizens use and guns Nazis used. "They both fire bullets. They both have one of those trigger pully things. And they both shout 'White Supremacy!' when fired."

Beto then held up a Venn diagram showing a circle of Nazis on one side and a circle of American gun owners on the other side. Both overlapped in an area marked "GUNS." The sign appeared to be drawn in crayons by Beto himself.

"While some may think it's evil people that cause violence, especially evil governments, these people are bigots," he concluded. "We must disarm the populace and give guns to the government to avoid being like the fascists."

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