WASHINGTON, D.C.—After hearing there was a crisis on the border, a confused Joe Biden visited the On the Border Mexican Grill and Cantina near him to see what all the fuss was about. After surveying the restaurant and enjoying the faux Tex-Mex experience, the president said he was happy to report that there is no crisis on the border to speak of.
"I don't see any crisis here -- just delicious bottomless chips and salsa!" he said as he arrived at the restaurant. "Not a kid in a cage in sight -- all the kids here have great kids' menu selections and fun crayons and coloring book activities! What a great time for all!"
Biden also reported that On the Border had fantastic senior discounts and giant margarita choices that made for a "real hoot of a time -- it's a real gas!"
The media quickly praised Biden's handling of the On the Border crisis, pointing out that Trump never bothered going to On the Border during his presidency.
At publishing time, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had arrived to take a selfie of her crying at On the Border.