WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris have been rushed to a nearby burn treatment center after swearing in on the Bible this morning.
Their hands immediately burst into flames after touching the holy Word of God. Theologians believe this is primarily due to their support for abortion, though other factors could be at play as well.
"Thoughts and pr--I mean, thoughts and positive vibes to the president and the vice president at this difficult time," said one CNN commentator. "We anticipated having some health scares with Biden early on, but we had no idea it would happen this soon, and certainly didn't anticipate it happening because he touched a Bible."
This isn't the first time this has happened, and D.C. burn centers are very skilled at treating burns from politicians touching Bibles. President Trump himself has been rushed to the burn ward several times after Bible photo ops and signing Bibles for fans, while AOC has been sent to the burn center after touching books on economics.