WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Biden has unveiled a brand-new jobs plan, in which he will mandate vaccines for private businesses, forcing vaccine-hesitant black people to lose their jobs.
Black Americans, who are statistically more likely to be vaccine-hesitant, stand to lose the most under this plan. When asked about the plan's impact on black Americans, Biden responded: "Colored people? With jobs? Haha, that's funny, Jack! What's next? Black people becoming president? If black people have good-paying jobs, who am I gonna hire to clean my Delaware mansion? You haven't been talking to Corn Pop, have ya?" He then sicced his dog Major on a black mail carrier who was just trying to deliver the mail.
Jen Psaki was also questioned by pouncing right-wing Fox News reporter Peter Doocy on the matter.
"Let me be perfectly clear," said Psaki. "We don't actually care about black people. Whew... wow, it feels so good to finally just say that out loud," she said with a look of relief on her face.
After receiving some more blowback over the new plan, the administration later clarified that black people who refuse vaccination should not be considered actual people with human rights, but should be treated more like cis white males.
"We hope that puts everyone at ease and lays this controversy to rest," said an admin spokesperson.