EL PASO, TX—In response to increasing calls to address the growing crisis at the southern border, Biden finally made the trip to the detention facility in Texas to see what was going on. To cheer up the hundreds of kids sitting on the cement floor behind chain-link fences, the president pulled out his phone and played "Despacito".
"Hola amigos!" the smiling Biden said, dazzling the crowd with his sparkly white dentures. "A todos les gusta la música? Despacito? Check this out, chicos and chicas!"
America's most popular president was met with blank stares as he bobbed his head up and down to the music and danced a little.
The media has hailed the president's trip as "uplifting", "compassionate", and "presidential".
Unfortunately, Biden grew tired 30 seconds into the song and sat down before completely forgetting where he was. In a powerful moment, his aides then rushed in to finish the song acapella and help him back to Marine One for the trip back to the White House.