WILMINGTON, DE—Staffers have revealed that Biden was the victim of yet another tragic accident after his arm fell completely off as he attempted to open up a jar of peanut butter.
"Yeah-- it just literally fell off," said one aide, confirming the story. "I walked into the kitchen and there was his arm, just lying on the floor. Mr. Biden didn't seem to notice it was gone. I'm told this is a normal occurrence for people his age so everything's fine!"
Once Biden noticed his arm was on the floor, he bent over to pick it up and his nose fell off. Aides rushed in to wrestle the confused Biden to the floor and take him to the hospital for reassembly.
"Nothing to see here," insisted a spokesperson. "Biden will be calling a lid during his 2-week recovery time and looks forward to reappearing to take charge of the country and defeat the virus!"
Unfortunately, Biden's recovery has been extended one more week after his head fell off as he tried to climb in the ambulance.