Politics
Bored Right-Wing Satirist Checks To See If AOC Said Anything Recently

AUSTIN, TX—Right-wing satirist Jacob Chumbley was having trouble coming up with a new article. “It’s like, what do I make fun of,” Chumbley said. “I mean, Trump is always Trump -- I don’t know what else to say about that. There’s the Democratic presidential primary, but I feel like I’ve done everything about them that you can. Really, is anyone going to care about another ‘Elizabeth Warren is a fake Native American’ joke? And I could make fun of how Bernie Sanders is a Communist, but that’s not funny; that’s serious.”

Not able to come up with anything else, Chumbley turned to what had been the source of some of his most popular articles: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. He quickly Googled whether she had made any statements recently. “I mean, that woman can’t say a five-word sentence without something in it being really dumb,” Chumbley explained. “She’s great. And she’s always dumb in new and interesting ways. Like the other day, she was explaining how you can’t literally pull yourself up by your bootstraps like it was some great revelation. It was kind of adorable.”

After a bit of searching and reading news articles, Chumbley started writing the satire article, “AOC Defends Bernie Sanders’s Communist Policies -- What an Idiot!”

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