WASHINGTON, D.C.—Explosive testimony from ex-FBI Director James Comey confirmed Thursday exactly what you already wanted to believe before you heard a word of what he had to say, news channels and websites across the nation frantically reported.
“Whether you think Trump is a Russian spy or that this entire thing was made up out of thin air by the Democrats, Comey’s testimony today has proven you right beyond a shadow of a doubt,” one pundit said, referencing several things the ex-director said during his dramatic interrogation before the Senate Intel Committee.
“We can finally wrap this up—you were right all along,” he explained, adding that any other news or evidence that comes out from this point forward will also, undoubtedly, serve to strengthen your already-entrenched opinion.
Experts also reported that if you need any further proof, just go to whichever websites you normally visit for your daily news, and they will assure you that Comey’s testimony is the nail in the coffin of anyone who disagrees with you about Donald Trump’s ties with Russia.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.