LOS ANGELES, CA—After achieving bipartisan support for her cause among both the Left and the Right, Britney Spears has announced that if she wins her battle against conservatorship, she will consider running for president since she's the only person literally everyone agrees with.
According to early polling data, the famous pop star enjoys support from Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, Anarchists, Communists, Anarcho-Communists, Edward Snowden, Mike Lindell, the Pope, Ru Paul, Vladimir Putin, and Franklin Graham. Experts say this level of universal support has never been enjoyed by an American presidential candidate in history.
"I think the first thing I'd do as president would be to stop people from using the legal system to imprison, use, abuse, and steal from people for their own personal gain," she said in a statement to a large crowd outside her home. "After that, who knows. Maybe I'll sign a law giving flying cars to everyone for free."
At this, the audience stood and cheered. Although every politician in Washington swiftly condemned her for her "anti-legal-abuse" platform.
It's still unclear whether Britney Spears would govern as a conservative or leftist, but everyone agrees she enjoys a clear advantage over Biden due to her ability to form complete sentences and walk around the house without getting lost.