SACRAMENTO, CA—In a move to encourage inclusion and diversity, a new California law now requires companies to hire at least one gang member to serve on their executive board.
Legislators will reportedly also accept undocumented immigrants or a homeless person if a violent gang member can’t be found.
“It’s high time that gang members start being included in the management of successful companies,” Governor Jerry Brown said in a statement. “Far too many companies simply choose the best person for the job, rather than allow people who might not be qualified because of their criminal activity to have a chance at running a business.”
Scrambling to comply with the new law, hundreds of HR department reps were seen combing the streets of LA, San Francisco, and San Diego looking for members of MS-13, Bloods, or Crips to recruit for their leadership boards.
At publishing time, Brown had begun building a wall to keep corporations from leaving the state.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.