PONTIAC, MI—Every kid loves a good bedtime story before going to sleep, and no one more than little Adoniram Luther Edwards III, whose father makes it a point to read him a classic story such as "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" every evening as he goes to bed.
"OK, Addy, what'll it be tonight? 'Sinners' or John Flavel's classic: 'The Fountain of Life: A Display of Christ in His Essential and Mediatorial Glory'?" asked his father, Martin, as the boy got tucked into bed with his Teddy bears and John Calvin plushies.
"'Sinners'! 'Sinners'!" chanted little Adoniram. "I like the part where God dangles the heathen over the pit like a spider. It's funny. Stupid heathens!"
"'Sinners' it is!" Martin responded happily, getting his classic children's illustrated edition off the shelf. "Alright, here we go: ''Their foot shall slide in due time.' Deuteronomy 32:3 'In this verse is threatened the vengeance of God on the wicked unbelieving Israelites...'"
At publishing time, the boy had dozed off during the third sermon point, dreaming he was walking over the pit of hell on a rotten covering, precariously trying not to drop through, and that arrows of death were whizzing by all around him.
Gregory Ilinovich loves murdering people with illegal guns - so he's a bit concerned about all these new gun regulations. Luckily, he tends not to follow laws anyway.