Life Tech
Canon Now Including 'Professional Photographer' Certificate With All Cameras Costing At Least $599

MELVILLE, NY—Canon is now including a certificate indicating you are a professional photographer with all of their cameras that cost at least $599, sources confirmed Thursday.

"If you spend at least $599 on a camera, you're instantly transformed into a professional photographer, and now you have the documentation to prove it," a Canon spokesperson said. "In a lot of professions, you have to take classes or practice for years before you truly become a professional, but not in photography. Just buy one of our budget to mid-range cameras, and you're in."

The certificate licenses the holder to do all kinds of professional photographer things, like starting a Facebook business page and inviting all your friends and family to like it, perform "professional" wedding shoots for $500, and telling couples to pose in professional stances like "the piggyback pose" and "just casually chilling here leaning up against this tree with my arms crossed."

There are many more things you're authorized to do once you have the certificate, including the following:

  • Using the "sepia tone" filter in Photoshop or Lightroom
  • Doing $50 shoots for friends and family
  • Getting a pack of business cards for free with a watermark still on them
  • Launching a website with a free WordPress template that looks exactly like every other photographer's website
  • Taking photos with prop ideas you found on Pinterest
  • Starting up an Instagram with a name like @Yourname_photography

"We just wanted to add a little value to these cameras," the Canon rep continued. "With this documentation, when people ask what you can do, you can tell them with confidence, 'I am a professional photographer.'"

Canon also assured customers that if the photography doesn't work out, they can always go back to selling essential oils.

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