LOS ANGELES, CA—Chelsea Handler has ventured from her Bel Air mansion to do her part to swing the election for Joe Biden. From now until election day, Miss Handler will be patrolling polling stations throughout LA County to make sure no black people are voting for Trump.
According to witnesses, Handler was seen walking from booth to booth, peeking over the privacy screens, looking for people of color.
"Excuse me! Excuse me, sir!" she said to one gentleman in the voting booth as he voted for Trump. "Do I need to remind you that you're a black person? You can't vote for Trump, black person! Don't you know he's a racist and you're an idiot if you vote for him as a black person?"
California Secretary of state Alex Padilla thanked Chelsea Handler for her valuable service. "We must protect our election integrity by preventing black and brown people from voting the wrong way," he said. "If one black person gets it in his head to vote for whoever he wants to, another black person might do the same thing. Sooner or later you could have all kinds of minorities thinking for themselves and we just can't have that!"
Handler's volunteer efforts have reportedly sparked a movement among 2 or 3 other celebrities to go to the polls and monitor the voting of black people. In one polling location, comedian Sarah Silverman was seen running after a black guy as he entered the polls. "Excuse me, Mr. black man!" she yelled. "Please, please, pretty please don't vote for the bad orange man! He's not good for you!"
Amy Schumer is also lending her skills to the effort by visiting polling stations in minority neighborhoods and performing stand-up comedy outside so no one will show up.