ALISO VIEJO, CA—Worshipers at Sailors Church were ecstatic to learn that they were selected as the location of the first-ever church foyer Chick-fil-A. Parishioners waited impatiently as construction continued throughout the summer, but finally, the restaurant opened for business this week.
Unfortunately for hungry churchgoers, the restaurant is, of course, still closed on Sundays.
"Look, honey, we've got a Chick-fil-A now!" cried one woman as the couple exited the service. But her laughing turned to sorrow and her joy to mourning as she saw the "Closed on Sunday" decal in the window. "Woe is me, for I am undone!" she cried out. "For I am a woman of hungry stomach and from a church of hungry stomachs, and my eyes have seen the Lord's chicken only to be turned away."
One angry churchgoer rushed the restaurant's entrance, but as soon as he touched the security gate, he fell stricken and was pronounced dead. A voice from heaven boomed, "Touch not the Lord's anointed chicken."
Attendees of the megachurch were assured they could still come to the church to enjoy Chick-fil-A the rest of the week, but unfortunately, no megachurch attendees ever go to church on any day other than Sunday, so they'll have to miss out.