HONG KONG—Sensing the possibility of a dangerous contagion spreading, China has issued a stay-at-home order for Hong Kong so that ideas of democracy might not spread.
“There is a virus out there,” said Chinese President Xi Jinping. “One that could destabilize all of China. That’s why we are requiring all people in Hong Kong to stay home so they don’t infect each other with the idea they get to vote for their own leadership, say whatever they want, or tell each other I look like Winnie the Pooh when I don’t because I look like Brad Pitt.”
Reaction by the American media was swift. “Wow, China is so great! I wish we could be like China!” exclaimed numerous journalists. “Why can’t Trump be China?”
American politicians also spoke up on the order. “Hopefully the people in Hong Kong will be more compliant than Americans,” said Michigan governor Gretchen Whitmer. “We issued our stay-at-home order far too late to stop the spread of the idea that people have liberty and can do whatever they want.”
Eventually, China may open up Hong Kong partially, allowing some people to leave their homes, but only if they wear masks -- ones specially designed to block all speech.
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