HEAVEN—Our heavenly Father's big, big house has been under construction for some time. To help move the project along swiftly and provide some much-needed renovations to the millennia-old structure, the Almighty has reportedly hired famed renovators Chip and Joanna Gaines to help breathe some new life into the heavenly mansion.
The couple arrived and began making recommendations right away, showing God on their laptop how they could refresh the millions of rooms with some simple, low-cost improvements and lots of backsplash and shiplap.
"See this big, big table with lots and lots of food?" Joanna said. "It's just not really working for me. I think we could really get away with a few smaller tables, maybe made of some distressed wood or something like that. It's gonna have a much more open, free feel once you get away from the traditional big, big table look."
Joanna suggested the Almighty go with more of an "open concept" feel, so Chip quickly got to work knocking down the "lots and lots of rooms" that were previously built to make one large room for all heavenly residents to hang out in together. "I'm gonna need a bigger sledgehammer," he told his coworkers as he knocked down his 10,000th wall of the afternoon.
The yard was also renovated with more decorative pieces and trees, though it's no longer available for people to play football because of the new obstructions.