CHAGRIN FALLS, OH—Local Christian Paul Hoskins announced Wednesday he will start a new diet that directly corresponds to his pattern of Bible reading: he plans to eat one meal per week.
Sources confirm Hoskins will quickly scarf down a light salad every seven days and will avoid any form of nourishment the rest of the time. “I got the idea when I realized my spirit can stay healthy even if I ingest the Word of God just once per week,” Hoskins told sources. “I figure if my spirit can grow and thrive on the once-a-week plan, my body can too.”
When asked how he expects to sustain himself between meals, Hoskins stated he will listen to podcasts about food, play music by artists who believe in the power of food, and look at pictures of food on Instagram.
According to reports, Hoskins will have his weekly meal spoon-fed to him every Sunday morning.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.