DENVER, CO—Local Christian plumber Peter Howe has come under fire for refusing to join same-sex fittings. Howe is being labeled a "backward, hateful bigot" for his refusal to connect two male pipe threads or two female pipe threads, insisting on only the traditional, conservative practice of male-to-female connections.
"Fittings are between a male pipe thread and a female pipe thread only," said Howe in a statement. "That's the way God designed plumbing, and it's my religious right to refuse anyone with a different plumbing lifestyle. I'm not saying they don't have the freedom to do what they want. I'm just saying I don't want to participate in it."
Howe's most recent legal trouble came when a forward-thinking couple in Denver called him for an emergency plumbing job but asked him to violate his conscience by performing a same-sex fitting connection. Howe said he politely declined and referred the couple to a dozen other plumbers in the area who are same-sex-fitting-affirming (SSFA). The couple thanked him for his time but then slapped him with a lawsuit.
"Look, if you want to try to connect two male pipe nipples, be my guest," he said. "But plumbing is my personal expression of art, and I won't participate in ceremonies that cause me to violate my morals."
The couple did, in the end, find someone to perform their same-sex union. Their house is now flooded.
The left, celebrities, and athletes will take money from China, but they sure don't like talking about China. Tap your foot to the hit song parody of "We Don't Talk About Bruno"!