Church
Church Bassist Dies During Worship Set, No One Notices For Three Weeks

CHESTERTON, VA—Local church bassist Jimmy "Hammer-On" O'Toole tragically died of a heart attack during a recent worship set at Overkill Community Church, but no one noticed for a full three weeks, sources at the church confirmed Tuesday.

O'Toole keeled over right in the middle of "What a Beautiful Name" and died on the spot, but the service continued as normal, without anyone taking note of the dead bass player. When the worship band finished, they exited the stage, even stepping over his body. The pastor preached for a full 25 minutes, and the band returned for a second set, all without anyone taking note of the recently passed bass guitarist.

The next two Sundays went by without anyone looking O'Toole's direction until finally, a janitor discovered him while trying to get some old VBS glitter out of the stage carpet that evening.

"We're really sorry to hear that our bassist has gone to be with the Lord," said Pastor Lucas Martin. "What was his name again? I think it started with a P. Anyway, we're gonna miss him. Not his bass lines, of course, but just the man in general."

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