CEDAR FALLS, IOWA—According to reports from within Cedar Falls Baptist Church, the weekly support group designed specifically for widows has opened its doors to all women throughout the football season.
“We know the fall can be a difficult time for wives, fiancés, and girlfriends,” lead pastor Peyton Brady told reporters. “We want to create a space for women whose men disappear for 5 months into the black hole of NFL, college, and fantasy football.”
While the church recognizes the grief suffered by actual widows is far worse, it hopes the group can also help women whose men become as good as dead until early February, due to their obsession with football.
"When your husband needs just five more points from his wide receiver in a Monday night game, he might as well be dead," said Stacy Lindell in the first meeting of the group as the leader handed her a tissue. "I know I'll get over this, but the grieving process is hard." The other women nodded sympathetically, saying their husbands had been talking about someone named Anthony Brown all weekend. "It's like, sometimes I still hear his voice echoing around the house screaming about the Patriots, like he's still there watching over me."
At publishing time, the church had been considering launching a support group for men during The Bachelor.