Church Health
Church Seniors Involved In Low-Speed Street Race To Golden Corral

EL CAJON, CA—A spokesperson for the El Cajon Police Department confirmed Tuesday that several senior citizens were apprehended Sunday afternoon after partaking in a low-speed street race from Trinity Bible Fellowship to the Golden Corral buffet restaurant on Main Street.

A bystander observed several Cadillacs, Buicks, and Oldsmobiles slowly turning out of the church parking lot and immediately roaring down the street toward the popular buffet at approximately 15 miles per hour in the left lane with their turn signals still on, prompting him to call the police.

“Hope you enjoy waiting in line for an hour while I’m going to town on the green beans, Theodore!” one senior citizen driving a 1978 Buick Park Avenue called to another in an ’85 Cutlass as they waited at a stoplight that had turned green several minutes before. “Eat my dust!”

“You’ll still be trying to parallel park while we’re having our second sundae!” the other called back, before finally pulling out into the intersection just as the light turned yellow. The cars then moseyed down Main Street, narrowly avoiding several pedestrians, trash cans, and street lights before coming to a stop in front of the restaurant.

Upon their arrival and subsequent 15-minute parking process, the seniors were seen jockeying for position through the parking lot, attempting to slow one another down as they raced to the door at a leisurely pace. One 85-year-old man reportedly sabotaged the others’ progress by using his aluminum cane to bar the door, prompting the others to pour through the exit in an attempt to beat him to the cash register.

The chase finally came to an end as police caught up to the church’s seniors fighting over the last spoonful of pot roast, according to sources.

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