KENOSHA, WI—CNN Joined with progressive groups in calling for Judge Bruce Schroeder—who is presiding over the Rittenhouse case—to be removed after an American flag was spotted in his courtroom.
"It's clear that this judge cannot be impartial," said CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin, who was wearing a large trenchcoat and nothing else for some unknown reason. "The American flag is a symbol of oppression and white supremacy. Any judge who would allow that hateful symbol in his courtroom has no business presiding over this important case."
Further reports indicated that the Judge is a white male, has a family, and is a model citizen— and these are all serious red flags.
"To our knowledge, Judge Schroeder has never even worn a Che Guevara t-shirt, and never committed arson during a mostly peaceful protest," said Toobin as his hands disappeared out of frame. "He's never even called for violent revolution to overturn Western Civilization! Just horrible!"
CNN claims that if Rittenhouse is acquitted, it will only be because the case was decided by an unfair racist Judge who refuses to proclaim the virtues of communism.
"It's a dark day for our democracy," said Toobin.
Chris Smitherson has a problem: he's unvaccinated -- which means he's left out of all activities as he doesn't have COVID like his vaccinated friends. Thoughts and prayers.