CHICAGO, IL—Against her anti-racist sensibilities, Mayor Lori Lightfoot has agreed to compromise on what skin colors she will do sit-down interviews with, graciously granting half of an interview to a half-black journalist.
“Sure, refusing to speak to someone based on the color of their skin is the ideal - but sometimes society just isn’t ready to accept that,” said Mayor Lightfoot. “I know my speaking to a half-black man will disappoint progressives, but there are times for allowing our culture to take baby steps. Total segregation doesn’t just happen overnight.”
According to sources, the half of the interview permitted will be the half where the journalist, Mr. Washington, will get to ask questions. Mayor Lightfoot will not provide any answers but will sit there for a full thirty minutes without blinking.
Progressive Chicagoans expressed deep concern over the Mayor’s backtracking, arguing the compromise may prove to be a slippery slope towards speaking to one-fourth black or even Korean journalists. Activists warned that a loss of strict racial standards could jeopardize all the wonderful progress the city had made on gun violence and allowing children to go to school.
Outside City Hall, Mr. Washington stated that he is still looking forward to the half-interview, mostly to see what Mayor Lightfoot’s eyes look like in person. “Wonder if they’ll even realize I’m Samoan,” he shrugged, heading inside.