WASHINGTON, D.C.—In the most radical change to the Gregorian calendar since Pope Gregory XIII, Democrats have passed new legislation changing every day of the entire year to January 6th, so that every American will be forced to think about that dark day all the time forever.
"January 6th was the darkest day in human history," said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. "We must never forget the dark murky darkness of that very dark dark day. So dark, it was."
With every day officially renamed "January 6th," Americans will be encouraged to reflect on the evil darkness of that dark day when evil Nazi Trump supporters got really mad and stole Pelosi's wooden lectern and put their feet up on her desk.
Husbands and dads across the country voiced support for the legislation, as it will make it much easier for them to remember their wives' anniversaries and kids' birthdays, which are now all on January 6th.
Democrats expressed hope that the change will help prevent such unspeakable evil from ever happening again, while also making Trump voters feel really bad and sad all the time.
Christians are also excited to know that Christ will be returning on January 6th.
Pelosi has announced she will schedule a hearing to review how the new law is working on January 6th.