WASHINGTON D.C.—In what many are describing as a “constitutional crisis,” President Donald Trump was seen heading into the National Archives -- the building where the original copy of the Constitution is held -- while eating an extremely messy meatball sub.
“This is a threat to the Constitution unlike we have ever seen,” proclaimed Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.
Many Republicans called this rhetoric overblown. “He’s probably just going to get sauce all over the protective glass,” said Senator Lindsey Graham. “All it’s going to do is annoy a few tourists.”
But many believe, given Trump’s personality, he’s going to demand to hold the Constitution. If that happens, constitutional scholars agree that, given Trump’s lack of awareness, there’s nearly a hundred percent chance he will get marinara sauce all over the supreme law of the United States of America. As to what would happen afterward, experts seem unsure.
“Would stains that covered the words of the Constitution remove powers of the federal government or remove barriers to its power? It’s unknown,” said constitutional law professor Earl Weber. “We’d be in uncharted territory. Once, John Adams nearly got mustard on the Constitution, but we’ve seen nothing like this.”