ALBANY, NY—Governor Cuomo announced today that he has secured a multi-million dollar deal to write a second book called How to Respect Women.
"We are thrilled to have one of the foremost experts peel back the mysteries of how women should be treated," said Alan Rickles, president of Penguin Random House. "This is a case of having the right man for the right moment. In a culture that glorifies machismo, boiling in a stew of toxic masculinity, we need the voice of a hero like Andrew Cuomo to challenge men to rise to greatness. I think women everywhere are going to be touched, really and truly touched, by Mr. Cuomo".
While some aides worried that Governor Cuomo overextended himself by agreeing to another book, those aides have been fired and silenced with non-disclosure agreements. Mr. Cuomo did admit, repeatedly, that his hands were already full, but remained absolutely adamant that he could aggressively press himself onto even more engagements if he had to.
Mr. Cuomo has promised to reveal his tried and true tactics to honor women in such an incredible way that they can't even bring themselves to speak about it—unless forced to under oath. While a few details will have to be left out for legal reasons, Mr. Cuomo will also describe how he and his brother worked together as wingmen to help create an environment of respect that women simply could not resist.
President Biden reportedly will write the foreword, where sources say he will urge Governor Cuomo to resign so as to 'leave some for the rest of us'.