DULUTH, MN—According to police, local Christian John Arturo was attempting to purchase an expensive new Scotty Cameron putter online using his Visa card Wednesday afternoon, when he was stopped cold by financial guru Dave Ramsey, who burst through his living room wall “just like the Kool-Aid Man” and smacked the credit card out of his hand.
“Oh, no!” Ramsey reportedly yelled as he exploded through the wall and dashed toward a bewildered Arturo, whose mouse cursor was hovering just above the “Place Order” button on the Dick’s Sporting Goods website. “Not today, punk!”
After picking up Arturo’s credit card and cutting it into dozens of pieces, the financial adviser stopped to offer him a lecture on how credit card use causes American families to spend more money and forget the true value of the dollar, reminding him that the average family carries over $8,000 in credit card debt.
“I was pretty shocked,” a quivering Arturo told police officers responding to the 9-1-1 call. “I tried to tell him my wife and I pay it off every month, just using it for the reward points, but he kept looking at me sternly and shaking his head.”
“I was in fear for my life,” he added.
After Arturo had listened to Ramsey’s lecture against his will, the popular speaker and author reportedly sprinted out the hole he had created in the man’s living room wall while shouting to Arturo that he’d need to carefully budget to repair the damage, before hopping into his luxury car paid for with cash and speeding away from the scene.
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.