MADISON, WI—While most costumed trick-or-treaters expect candy during their Halloween hunting, several Democrat households are planning to get Joe Biden across the finish line by handing out extra ballots instead.
"This is an excellent addition to my normal line-up of raisins and carrot sticks," said local Democrat operative Collin Frump. "There are literally thousands of these ballots lying around everywhere, and we need to get Kamala Harris elected to save our country from fascism!"
"Hey, kids! Have you or your parents voted for Joe Biden yet?" Frump said to a witch, an Iron Man, and a mermaid at his door. "Here, take these ballots I have filled out for you. Put your parent's name or the name of a dead relative at the top and send them in!"
Another local activist named Jerry Wallace plans to do the same this weekend. “It suddenly dawned on me that I had tons of ballots I could pass out!” he said. “I’m a firm believer that a person’s voting rights don’t end after they die -- even if it means they switch from voting Republican to Democrat. I already registered several dead relatives, as well as my twenty cats, and had a bunch of those ballots lying around, waiting to be sent in. Children are our future -- at least the ones who haven’t been aborted, so it only makes sense to give them the gift of a vote this year!”
At publishing time, the latest polls showed that children from the neighborhood were split evenly between voting for Kanye West and “EvanTubeHD” as a write-in candidate.