U.S.—In a recent press conference, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Senator Cory Booker and other top Democrats expressed deep concerns that airplanes might, of their own free will, launch another violent attack, similar to the events of 9/11.
“Eighteen years ago, after months of careful plotting, three passenger planes committed one of the greatest atrocities on American soil,” Pelosi stated, “and it could happen again if we don’t introduce new and invasive regulations!”
The Democrats cited a recent CNN report regarding several radicalized Boeing 757’s that were arrested for alleged terrorist plots.
“We’ve known for years that guns have been directly responsible for nearly all violent crime ever committed,” Booker elaborated, “but while we were so focused on AR-15s & BB-8s, planes have been lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce!”
During the conference, the Democrats introduced a new bill that would require exhaustive background checks, psych evaluations, and a waiting period before an airplane could be approved for flight.
“The Wright brothers never intended for airplanes to travel so quickly, powerfully and efficiently!” Pelosi concluded.