WASHINGTON, D.C.—As they enter into the high-stakes 2020 race, Democrats are growing concerned that they don't have a solid strategy for taking on Donald Trump. But now, the universe has given them an answer in the form of new baseless Kavanaugh accusations published by the New York Times.
Democrats began tripping over themselves to rally their base using the proven, effective strategy of obnoxiously screaming about the Supreme Court justice.
"Remember how well this all worked out for us last time?" said Kamala Harris excitedly as a coalition of Democratic leaders got together for a strategic session. "It is time for us to turn the obnoxiousness up to 11. The American people really went head over heels for us last time. Booker, I want you to give one of your big, epic speeches. Those always speak right to the heart of middle America."
Booker nodded in the affirmative and began to launch into a speech but Harris cut him off again. "Save it for the campaign trail, Spartacus. We've got to start tweeting about Kavanaugh ASAP."
"Alexandria, you're really good at the Twitter thing. Start tweeting right away!"
Ocasio-Cortez then looked up from her phone, which was clearly running Candy Crush. "Oh, I wasn't listening. I was thinking of something else."