Politics
Dems Worried Stimulus Bill Would Stimulate Economy

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Amid political bickering over a potential economic relief package, Democrats warned Americans that the stimulus bill would stimulate the economy.

"This stimulus bill might stimulate the economy -- which would hurt our chances to stop the bad orange man," said Senator Chuck Schumer. "We can't overstate how much damage this would do to our 2020 campaign. The last thing we need is a strong economy going into November."

"This stimulus package is horrifying. It specifically includes funding to stimulate Trump's economy, and we can't have that."

"We cannot pass it to find out what is in it -- then we might accidentally increase Trump's chance of reelection," said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. "We must move slowly and cautiously here."

Upon reading part of the bill, Democratic leaders were confused to learn that it would give money back to taxpayers instead of taking it away. "Is that even legal?"

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee

After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.

Get FREE Access

*with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee

There are 11 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.