Look out, Florida! Gov Ron DeSantis just signed some super-based executive orders to own the libs! Awwwww yeeeaaaaaah!
Here are some of the most notable:
1) Disney must build two more Space Mountains so there's never a line: I mean, come on.
2) Olive Garden must give out three times as many of those little chocolate mints at the end of the meal: This is just good business sense.
3) All airline pilots in Florida must high-five before their flight and say "I have the need—the need for speed": Should improve safety in the danger zone.
4) Blippi to be shot on sight: No quarter for enemies of the state!
5) Cardio: Banned.
6) TikTok: Banned.
7) Leggings as pants: Double banned.
8) Lord of the Rings added to high school English curriculum: A Tom Bombadil after-school program will be set up for at-risk youths.
9) All tea must be sweet: Unsweetened tea to be dumped in the ocean.
10) Games of "Hide 'N Seek" must be counted using 100 MISSISSIPPI's: Florida shall be a state of law and order!
11) Theatrical releases to feature special Florida cut: Basically the same as the Chinese cut but in a language normal people speak.
12) The Babylon Bee gains self-governing status: Dope!
In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their stories.