Devastated Stephen Curry Discovers Context Of Philippians 4:13

OAKLAND, CA—Thoroughly baffled after losing game 7 to the Cleveland Cavaliers Sunday night despite his frequent assertion that he “can do all things through Christ who strengthens him”—which he assumed would include winning as many NBA titles as he desired—Stephen Curry reportedly pulled his Bible out of his locker and hastily flipped to Philippians 4:13 to make sure he had been reading his life verse correctly all these years, only to discover, much to his devastation, multiple additional verses before and after the text.

“Wait—what are all these other words?” sources reported Curry as exclaiming after the unbelievable loss which made the Golden State Warriors the first team in NBA history to surrender a 3–1 series lead in the NBA Finals. “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content,” he slowly read aloud. “Seriously? In whatever situation?”

A shocked Curry reportedly then sat on the locker room floor in disbelief. “It doesn’t mean that I can do anything at all because of Jesus? I . . . I can’t believe it,” he reportedly muttered to himself in horror.

At publishing time, sources confirmed that a wave of relief had washed over Curry as he realized that, while it would be nice for Philippians 4:13 to be an iron-clad promise that any believer can literally do anything because of Jesus, the meaning he now understands it to have because of the context—that Jesus is enough for any believer to be content in any situation he or she faces—is even better, “especially after the most disastrous Finals collapse in NBA history.”

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