ENCINO, CA—According to sources close to local 2-year-old Oliver Christensen, the discerning, sophisticated film buff carefully selected a 478th viewing of Cars 3 for his late-morning film before his afternoon nap Wednesday.
After considering other highbrow fare like Boss Baby and Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa, the toddler pointed at Cars 3 on the family’s Netflix account, and began squirming and yelling “Cars! Cars!” until his mother picked up the remote to begin playing the obscure art house film for the young movie critic.
“He’s quite the film connoisseur,” his mom said proudly. “Our little genius is very selective of what he watches, only choosing the very best in cinema, like this movie where a talking redneck truck falls down and goes boom, and the cars dance and stuff.”
“Little Ollie also feels the film gets better with each viewing, as he seemed to like it the 450th time even more than the 449th,” his father chimed in. “The film is like an onion—he peels off new layers of depth each and every time he watches it.”
The choosy toddler reportedly appreciates avant garde scenes like the monster truck rally where Lightning McQueen gets all muddy and races a school bus, praising the filmmakers for being willing to take a risk. Christensen also feels the film’s plot as a whole represents an effective, incisive critique of late capitalism.
At publishing time, the toddler had dismissed Cars 2 and Mater’s Tall Tales as “cynical cash-ins.”
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.